The Inner Struggle of Emily Thorne
by Mistress Adia
Summary: Emily's mission to destroy those who harmed her father impacts the path her life takes, as she reconnects with the boy she once loved in the form of a man she could love. What is she willing to risk in the name of revenge, and will it be worth it?


Disclaimer- I don't own Revenge. If I did I wouldn't be a starving college student living in a tiny cramped apartment.

~.~ Chapter One- Love and Loss ~.~

Amanda Clarke didn't have intimacy issues, trust issues plagued her, but she had no problem with the hands of a man running down her body. Emily Thorne hated those hands, hated waking in the morning to feel like a mere tool in the pleasure of someone else, but she did what she had to. Daniel was like her, a tool in a larger plot. Some part of Emily sympathized with him, but all of Amanda yearned for her childhood sweetheart.

She tried not to think about Jack as she unzipped her dress in front of Daniel. She tried not to think of their dinner the night Daniel stood her up, and she tried not to think of the beautiful boat that bore the name _Amanda._ She just thought of her mission, the one that involved her naked and beneath the sheets with Daniel Grayson. She tried not think as her dress slid down to her ankles, as Daniel stared at her body like she was a statue or a pretty painting, something that could be bought and owned.

She had a moment when his mouth touched hers and her hand went up into his hair, where she tried to close her fingers around it and it was too short. As her back hit the mattress she gave up fighting her mind. She allowed herself to think of Jack. His calloused fingers sliding down her body in place of Daniel's smooth ones. The rough short hairs on his face brushing the sensitive skin on her neck. She thought of Jack as Daniel moved inside of her, it was Jack that made her moan, that made her toes curl. She stopped herself from moaning his name as she found her completion, her mind focusing on the memory of his face.

Daniel pulled his face away from her neck. "Someone is full of passion." he said, in a teasing tone. "All it takes is the right guy," her smile seemed sincere, but it didn't reach her eyes. He rolled off of her, and she moved to pull the sheet up to cover her breasts. It was then when she heard her phone vibrate, the screen flashed "Nolan". She looked at Daniel apologetically. "Sorry, I have to take this. Business."

She wrapped the sheet around herself and made her way to the bathroom with her phone. She regretted the instant she accepted the call. "Yes, Nolan." Her teeth were gritting together. "If you are about done fornicating with your fake boyfriend we have some business to attend to." His voice sounded both playful and weary. "I wouldn't find the need to fornicate with him if you hadn't meddled. Stealing his phone. What are we in seventh grade? I told you to stay out of this. If you don't stop you will find yourself on my list, Nolan." There was a silence on the other end. "Stealing phones? You think I, owner and founder of Nolan Corp would sink so low as stealing phones? I did nothing of the sort. This game is yours, I am just a spectator routing for my favorite team. Team Amanda. You should probably find out who is ruining your plans. Until next time, Emily... Oh, and I saw Jack today. He is doing well." "Nolan..." And then the line was dead, and Emily was left to stand in the bathroom wrapped in only a sheet pondering who besides Victoria would want to come between her and Daniel, and why Nolan made it his personal vendetta to toss her and Jack together.

Her mind was full of thoughts when she exited the bedroom. Daniel must have seen it on her face. "You okay?" He looked genuinely concerned. She appreciated it but remained detached. "I'm fine. It was just a friend I am looking to invest with. Have to put my money somewhere. I should go soon though, wouldn't want your mother to find me here." As she spoke she was puling up her underwear, carefully, so she could still conceal her body with the sheet. " I shouldn't have rushed you into sex. I am sorry. I know you have your issues. I shouldn't have..." "Daniel" she interrupted. "It is fine, really. I'm just not ready to take the walk of shame in front of "Queen" Victoria. I will call you soon, we will be okay." When she walked out of the front door she could feel the eyes of the family's security guard, Frank, watching her. It was the first time in a long while that she felt unsettled and out of control.

That feeling traveled with her into the night, she felt restless. So she put on her running shoes and comfortable clothes and went out to the beach. Running through the sand made her feel more alive. She was running, with the warm summer breeze in her hair and a satisfied smile on her face when she heard a bark. "Sammy!" The happiness she felt when she saw her old dog rang out in her voice. She allowed it to seep through because she did not see the shadowy presence sitting behind him. "Emily?" At the sound of Jack's voice the smile fell from her face. "I am sorry, I didn't see you there. I thought he had just found me again, on his own." Jack shook his head. "It is fine. I was just out here thinking. I haven't had time to think on my own since my dad died." Emily stood in front of him, remorse in her eyes. "I'll leave you then." She went to turn but Jack's voice stopped her. "Please, stay."

Instead of leaving, like every fiber in her body screamed for her to do she moved to sit next to him. "It's hard at night, I have more time to think about him. Part of me wants to be alone, but part of me hates the silence that brings." Emily nodded. "It's a blessing and a curse thinking about the people we have lost. I still miss my father every day, even after all these years." Jack slowly and awkwardly wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "It's easy to be around you. No matter how hard everything else is. It's nice to have something that is easy. Thank you." Emily laughed awkwardly. "It's because it is too easy for Sammy to find me." Jack put a hand on his dog. "He knows good people when he sees them." She subconsciously moved in to Jack as she reached to touch the dog. "Yeah. Well, he is worth getting dirt on a dress for." It was Jack's turn to laugh. "It is the Hamptons, that is saying something."

They both stared into the ocean, lost in thought and a comfortable silence that was broken as Emily stood. "I should go. It was nice seeing you Jack. Take care of yourself." She was making her way to leave when she felt a hand on her arm, she turned to excuse herself and a mouth gently met hers. The kiss took her back to the beach when she was a kid, when everything was simple, when she felt safe. She should have pulled away, for the sake of her father, her mission, for the sake of Emily Thorne; but in that moment she was not Emily Thorne. She was Amanda Clarke. She was reunited with her innocence, and her happiness. She felt that she was worth being loved. Then her mind snapped to court film of her father's damnation. The moment was broken. She pulled away and ran, with no words, no excuses, just broken dreams falling down behind her.


End file.
